On Mothering

[A] mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled.” – Emily Dickinson

One of the major grieving moments for me after being diagnosed with cancer eight year’s ago was the realisation that there are going to be major life moments in my kids’ lives that I am going to miss should the worst happen.

Cathal was only two when I was diagnosed and Emma was nine. I know some women who were diagnosed at the same time I was who are sadly no longer here. I think about them and their kids on a day like today.

One of these beautiful women was recording bed time stories in her own voice so her kids would always have her voice when it was time for a bedtime story ….

It’s heartbreaking to think of her having to leave her kids and to think of her kids without their Mum.

I count myself so lucky to still be here with a 10 year old who is turning into the most handsome, confident and articulate young boy. I am so lucky too that I am getting to watch Emma blossom into the most extraordinary young woman – a gifted word smith and more beautiful inside and out than she will ever know.

On a day like today I don’t care about presents or cards …. None of that Hallmark stuff is important.

I know that whatever happens in the future with my cancer that my kids are going to be fine …. I know they will treasure the memories we have made and the mischief we have managed.

But in saying that, I have no intention of going anywhere anytime soon because there are lots more things I want to be here for …. Graduation days, young love, college days, travels, the publication of Emma’s first novel, Cathal as Taoiseach etc

I want to be here for all if it but ….
I am happy to have gotten this far …

Everything has been beautiful and while I will never be okay with closing my eyes on it forever, I will take and savour whatever time I am given as a Mum.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mums especially those battling cancer.

B Xxxxx

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