Here’s to being here!

“Today you are you, that is truer than true.
There is no one alive who is youer than you.” – Dr Seuss

Tuesday 26 September, marked the 17th year of hearing the ‘R’ word for the first time. R for remission. I remember vividly the day and looking back I have no idea how I held it all together. 

The R chapter is there in the book to read and I am not going to revisit it. 

I have seen a lot of celebrations of being cancer free over the years and some of them involve the ringing of a bell. That wasn’t an option for me and I didn’t mind as it would have felt strange to me to being announcing to everyone in the day ward that I was cancer free while they were still in the midst of it. 

I remember back to the early days of being in the day ward for treatment and not having any idea about what was really happening – not understanding the how or the why of it all. The nurses and doctors did their best to ensure some level of privacy but I used to overhear things being said to other patients – things I wasn’t physically or mentally ready to hear. I used to have my ear phones in so as I could drown out some of the reality I wasn’t ready for at that time with some of my favourite songs and radio shows. 

In time I got over the fear factor and wanted to consume every answer to every frequently asked question about my cancer. I even managed to come up with some that had never been asked before! 

Now, 17 years later I am in still in and out to the hospital. I am not a member of the day ward club any more but I pass it once every few months when I attend hospital for a check up and a chat with my consultant. I am always grateful to get in and out again with no more than a glancing brush past the top of the day ward where the really serious, sad and heavy duty treatments and conversations are taking place every day. 

So I type this with an attitude of gratitude for 17 years of memories and mischief made. 

I honestly thought back then I might not get to do a tiny fraction of the things I have done. I am happiest to have been able to be part of the lives of my children. It’s not the milestone moments but the millions of tiny little day things that have made up the last 17 years.

I love our Dungeons and Dragons sessions. Our board games (just not Monopoly) and Wii games. The movies we have watched together in movie fests – introducing them to all the great 80s movies and passing on my love of Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and all sorts of comedies. 

I have seen both of them through primary and secondary school. They were so young and so hard done by when I was diagnosed. Cathal was 2 and Emma was 9. How unfair a hand to be dealt. But they have borne it brilliantly and living with a Mam who had battled a bit has given them a great outlook on life that and a wonderfully kind and compassionate streak towards the world around them. 

As for himself. He’s the Rock! There’s no quote I can borrow that will do him justice. 

None of this was promised or guaranteed, It’s the same with all cancers. There’s the medicine, there’s the personality and the will and I also believe there’s a large dose of luck involved in it all. 

So here’s to being here! 

B 

PS Not sure what happened to the first of these posts but it went off on a trip into cyberspace. Apologies if you receive this twice.